I haven’t done stippling in a while. Ahhh this only happens once in a while. This is rare guys! Hope you like it.
It helps me let out my stress but this took me about… 4 days in the making.
This is going to be a long post. It’s okay if you guys won’t read it! I hope you still appreciate my effort on the art! Lots of love, Alex.
The lex with a p one is my signature- I even did stippling on it!- The beautiful one is Manroe’s. I adore him so I didn’t mind. He’s passionate, two years younger than me, with an eye for arts and a wit that impressed me!
Anyway, I’ll tell my abuse story now…
This is exactly what I’m going through. My mother is an abuser as well. I am even forced to stay quiet and “be like your cousins and sisters.” They are loud mouths and arrogant beings that were destroyed by bad influence.
She forces me to be the person I don’t want to be, and it stressed me. She told me she’ll get me therapy 2 YEARS ago, and she brought it up again. I naturally claimed that she told me that years ago and she NEVER commits- and she told me she never told me anything.
She even told me I’m lazy but I already did my chores at 4 years old. She would even hit me in the face, shoulders, and my leg when I washed the dishes too long, and she even does it while watching TV with my younger sister.
I was freaking 4, of course I was traumatized. I did chores quietly but never did laundry or cooking ever because she would probably shout at me and say “you’re not aggressive enough when you scrub that laundry, it will never come clean!” or “your taste buds are fucking horrible for you to cook."
Even when I trip while running with my friends, she’d hit me more and tell me to "go in the corner and think of what you’ve done.” Now, it’s been 15 years and she kept bringing up the friends I told her about that ended up breaking my trust and told me my tears are useless.
Basically, my mom abused me my whole life. She made me feel like I was a defect (Literally. I was the only small girl in the family and I was the only one who was an introvert until now. Most of my cousins turned out to be… uh… let’s just say… “different in a bad way.” Our school has a bad reputation in my family name but I’ll change that for every -insert family name here- out there.)
My dad understands me, because he was the only quiet male in the family. He even tried to help my classmate’s (also an abuser) dad out of his vices but my dad was blamed by the other dad’s siblings for his vices- even saying he didn’t even try.
He was angry about that inside, but he used that as a motivation to study harder. Guess what? My classmate’s dad didn’t pass, while my dad passed his board exam after trying 2 times, and is even hired by PLDT for many years before I was born.
I want to be like him, because he stood up for what he believed in. He tried to help many people, like my female abuser’s father and the female ABUSER in my class as well...
But sometimes you can’t fix what is broken. He used it as a motivation to strive harder, and I’m glad he resigned at the job simply because he had to be there for me. Especially if they are liars.
I understand now why he gives me advice naturally.
"If you can’t stay in loud places, ask your friend to go in a quiet place.“
"Keep that friend, okay? She was there in when you had problems. Even when you showed her your true colors."
"Try to divert your attention when you feel sad. Make a drawing or sing a song. I’ll even teach you how to play guitar so you can be the band member you always wanted to be."
He’s the best father I could ever have. He understood me when nobody else did.
Good thing that I have loads of friends who have abusive/neglect parent/s as well, and we kinda like open up to each other about things. The point here is open up to people who you know will understand.
A counselor helped me a lot, and I’m getting better now.
Today is supposed to be family day, but my mom never showed up so I broke down in front of many people- who, in turn- mocked me. They thought I was spoiled to my mother and mock me like "waaahhh I need my mother”.
Then I stared at them and said “don’t judge when you don’t know what I’m going through. my mom abused me my whole life and she just proved that more. i want to escape from my mother because she never commits."
My father is awfully busy but I understand that. He’s fixing electronics in the house and I appreciate him for that. I even talked him out of coming with me when I needed guidance to the guidance counselor. Thank you, Dad.
Everyone else that abused me at school then was quiet the whole day, and they can’t even look at me. Try to be passive-aggressive sometimes, while remaining calm when people say you over-react/flinch too much/cry too much.
When you say nothing at all, it’ll be with you forever, but sometimes "Oh well” is better than “What if…”.
Your decisions make up to your upcoming future. It’s hard falling in a spiral of regrets. You have a choice.
I bid you good luck, we might still both young. I went to contests alone and I can finally breathe in fresh air and talk to my friends.
We can make it through, just strive for what it right. It won’t be easy, but sometimes that’s just how life is. Go and fight for your dignity/identity. We can do this.
(Also I just saw that ONE flaw you notice when you actually post it)